today...i dont know how to feel or what to think
something soooo strange is happening
is it reality checking on me?
i was told and i qoute "when you are swimming in a pool, sometimes you would think that you are in the middle of the sea, then suddenly something happens and you would realize you are still in the pool."
i never felt so strongly for someone for a really loooooooooooooooooong time now. we are thinking of moving what we have to a higher level....now im asking myself, am i ready for everything that goes with it? am i sure about it?
i wonder what lies ahead...but one thing is for sure...
FIRST OF ALL,I HAVE TO BE CERTAIN.
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Ever since i made this post, there was never a day that i did not ask my self what is it that's keeping me from doing things that will lead me to a higher level of relationship...i've been demanding answers from myself on this question.
ReplyDeleteAt first i said that i don't trust him...but i know i am feeling something really special for him..something that i havent felt with someone else, but i am holding back.. my mind is questioning what my heart is seeing. my mind is stoping my heart's desire to love without condition and just feel the love warming me inside.and everytime my mind is doing that, i felt detached from my being, im feeling empty and sad and frozen...then i realized, it is not him that i don't trust but myself. it is not my mind that's questioning my heart but my fear. it is my treacherous past that's keeping me from feeling the warmth of the present and looking forward for tomorrow's promise. NOW i am certain...i have to decide to be happy and to love fully even if i wouldn't know if this will last. there is a reason why we have each other now and i don't care if it's not forever. i have to allow myself to love without apprehension. i have to trust myself that i am capable of loving someone fully...
every single day, i never stop thinking what's holding me back. i realized, the reason why im afraid now is because i know i love him. it is this love for him that terrifies me. indeed, first times are always scary.
looking back:
i realized that i'v never really loved a man so deeply before. that made me one of the poorest woman on earth.my being is yearning to love someone fully without reservations.
I HAVE DECIDED...I WILL...NOW.