unmasking

here is the continuation of my story

jeah (3/10/2009 12:11:10 AM): i hope you'l get this, anyway here it is

jeah (3/10/2009 12:12:02 AM): my dad was a really great provider to his family and he has sucha great heart, always very generous to us and to his relatives even to my mom's relatives

jeah (3/10/2009 12:13:01 AM): i grew up really far from him coz he has to work in the Saudi Arabia as a Chief Technician in the Airbase. he was there during the desert storm

jeah (3/10/2009 12:13:42 AM): my mom took care of us, she was such a fighter and she acted both mother and father to us coz my dad was away

jeah (3/10/2009 12:15:24 AM): we have most that we wanted while we are growing up but not everything...but we were happy knowing that both our parents especially our dad sacrificed a lot to be away from his family just to give us a was we need

jeah (3/10/2009 12:16:06 AM): but i always miss my dad. and really hoped that he stays with us together.

jeah (3/10/2009 12:16:26 AM): i am always an achiever when i was growing up

jeah (3/10/2009 12:17:42 AM): i joined all organizations in school, joined contests and is always an honor student since my elementary (primary)years in school... i always tell myself that this is my gift to my parents

jeah (3/10/2009 12:21:17 AM): but when i was 6 years old, something not good happened to me... i was sexually harrassed by the grandfather of my bestfriend. she didnt know what happened of course, but i was soooooooo terified coz he threatend to kill my mom if i will tell anybody wat happened

jeah (3/10/2009 12:21:40 AM): i was just a little girl so i was really scared

jeah (3/10/2009 12:22:22 AM): i never told anybody and i forced myself to forget about it and continue living a great life

jeah (3/10/2009 12:23:20 AM): until when i was 16 years old and was in my first year in college...i heard that he died and remembered everything that happened when i was 6 years oldjeah

(3/10/2009 12:24:08 AM): that time there was this guy who is courting me and wanted me to become his girlfriend... i considered him as a brother and a dear friend

jeah (3/10/2009 12:24:43 AM): i told him what happened to me when i was 6 yo and he was soooooo caring and sympathetic

jeah (3/10/2009 12:25:32 AM): i thought that he was a good guy...and was really sincere about his feelings for me. so after awhile i agreed to become his girlfriend

jeah (3/10/2009 12:28:32 AM): but he forced me to have sex with him... i was not ready coz i was really young then. he hurt he, and forced me to do it with him. he hit me and i was crying when i was devirginized. it was not a happy experience at all

jeah (3/10/2009 12:29:23 AM): i was so angry and i felt really cheated coz i trusted him more than anyone else...but he did exactly the same thing i experienced when i was 6 years old

jeah (3/10/2009 12:29:54 AM): after that i never trusted anyone or allowed myself to love someone...but i had sooooo many boyfriends

jeah (3/10/2009 12:30:28 AM): and i had sex to a lot of guys.. not because i loved them but i wanted them to feel how it is to be hurt...

jeah (3/10/2009 12:31:10 AM): at the back of my mind thu, i was really looking for love, only that i dont think there is someone worth trusting and loving at all

jeah (3/10/2009 12:31:51 AM): but... i felt so empty, sooooo dirty and i lost myself. i was really confused, depressed and was never proud of myself

jeah (3/10/2009 12:33:50 AM): until i met my son's father.. we were young and we both needed love.. we thot we were meant to be together..but i was still doubting him...i never gave him all of my love. i still feel empty even if we are togetherjeah

(3/10/2009 12:34:46 AM): then one day i prayed and was crying when i was talking to God. i asked Him if He can give me something or someone worth fixing my life

jeah (3/10/2009 12:35:56 AM): i was not happy... but i wanted to change and fix my messy life... i made a promise to Him that if that time comes, i will fix my life according to how He wanted me to lead it.

jeah (3/10/2009 12:37:13 AM): then I got pregnant... it was the happiest moment in my life. after a long time... i was really happy knowing that my pregnancy is an answered prayer. God gave me the right reason to live and fix my life

jeah (3/10/2009 12:38:39 AM): but, my son's dad was not ready for it...he told me to have an abortion...i refused...then he realized he made a mistake so he decided to keep the baby and would want us to be together without marriage

jeah (3/10/2009 12:39:35 AM): i said NO, i made a promise to God i will fix my life and i wanted Him to bless me and my family thru marriage

jeah (3/10/2009 12:40:57 AM): but my son's dad was not ready for it...so i decided, i will leave and raise my child on my own. i was sooo disappointed with him, i left and never communicated with him

jeah (3/10/2009 12:41:20 AM): he didnt even know i gave birth to my son..

jeah (3/10/2009 12:42:26 AM): 2 weeks after i gave birth, i applied as a teacher in a caregiver school in our place. i was accepted and started working there

jeah (3/10/2009 12:43:18 AM): my income was really low, but i still gave something to my mom and the rest, i spend for my baby's needs. i never asked anything from anyone to raise my child

jeah (3/10/2009 12:43:44 AM): i faced the consequences of my actions, took responsibility and correct the things i did wrong

jeah (3/10/2009 12:44:34 AM): after that, i was soooooo focused with having a career, get promoted earn a better income and love, care, love and take care of my son

jeah (3/10/2009 12:46:08 AM): when i had my Kahlil, i regained my true self... i gained respect from people because i never allowed circumstances to stop me from achieving my dreams while i showed love and responsibility to my son

jeah (3/10/2009 12:46:27 AM): i made sure...that my son will be proud of me.

jeah (3/10/2009 12:47:18 AM): i made a promise to myself that if ever the Lord will give me a husband in the future, il see to it that he can be proud of me, even if i am a single mom

jeah (3/10/2009 12:48:11 AM): i prayed that someday, someone will love me and my son unconditionally...and i will make him the happiest man on earth thanking God that he got me as his wife

jeah (3/10/2009 12:49:13 AM): what i achieved rite now is because i wanted to become the best mother on earth for my son by becoming the best person that i can become.

jeah (3/10/2009 12:50:09 AM): and hopefully...i would also be able to help other people in any way i can, that they'l be inspired with my story and they too will fix their lives and be the best to glorify God's name

jeah (3/10/2009 12:50:34 AM): i guess that's me...i hope i gave you something there

jeah (3/10/2009 12:50:54 AM): i hope you got this msg

jeah (3/10/2009 12:51:39 AM): i am really looking forward to know you better and build something real and lasting with you with God's grace and guidance

jeah (3/10/2009 12:57:48 AM): take care always...im just here

jeah (3/10/2009 12:58:02 AM): i love you sweety