it's a school out there

January 25, 2010 was a very special day for me..it was one of those ordinary moments that unexpectedly give you a lesson that will be valuable to your life...im glad that employee failed in his Performance Evaluation and I get to have a chance to give him a pieace of my thoughts during the performance coaching and counselling session i need to give him. My thoughts are supposed to be for him but it came out straight to my stubborn ass...and it gave me the hard spanking i've been wanting to receive from the universe to snap me out of my self-made misery.

The guy is a salesman..and obviously he is not giving the numbers expected from him that's why he failed the performance evaluation. When he was asked what his problem was that causes his poor performance, he said he doesn't have enough stocks for one fast moving item that he think will give him an easy sale from his customers. Because of this, he gets frustrated, demotived, miserable and very unhappy resulting him to lose the creativity he naturally has as a person. I told him, you are focusing your attention to one single item which you don't have making you very negative..but you failed to realize that you have hundreds of brands and items which if properly utilized and developed will give you the sales that you wanted to achieve.

Gosh I was slapped by my own words! Lately, I've been really short tempered...and bitchy...and a real pain in the ass...reason? I focus my attention to things that i dont have or cant have at the moment and failed to be thankful and appreciative of my blessings and gifts failing to experience the joy that goes with it...I was miserable and i made people miserable as I am...well only those I love most...which makes it worse ...making us a pack of angry wolves.

Ironic isn't it? I am supposed to coach him...I went out being counselled.
Life is soooooooooo amazing...its a school out there...

Lesson learned: Selfishness hurts great souls

I pray that when you read this letter, someday…you will find in your heart to forgive me and see that I don’t have any intention whatsoever to deliberately hurt you.


I’ve been praying for days now that the Lord will guide me to the path that He wanted me to lead…and after complete surrender and heeding to His voice that speaks to my being I came to realize that my heart belongs to only one man and that is the boyfriend I told you I just broken up with on the early part of our correspondence.


When I said I am not committed to someone when you asked me it was the truth, although he never stopped winning me back but I asked him to give me more time to really know what I wanted. I have to be honest with you that recently we both decided to start again, stronger this time.


I can see and can feel that you are a great person as you are… and if I am not in love with someone now I would very well consider you to be my man. But I would be selfish if I would lead you to something that I know will not be good for both of us. I won’t blame you if you will be angry with me but I will continuously pray to our God that someday you will look at me again as a good person.


Thank you for the love that you offer…I am much honored. But I respectfully would refuse it because now the truth that my heart knows is that I love someone else. I am very sorry…please someday forgive me.

to my DEE

knowing a man like you doesn't make the world go round but it makes the ride worth it...our story is a struggle and victory of two people unlucky in love who desire and believe that someday the other half of the lost twin soul will be found and become one once again...

I've been weak as you were weak despite our strong and unbowed nature as individuals...we both need to face and accept this fact in us. But, in you i found the right reasons to continuously beg for God's grace to become the person that He wanted me to become as the other half of that "whole being" He wanted us to be..i believe in that...my whole being screams this as TRUTH...

Trust is always my issue...but i came to realized that i should trust that the God who led us to each other will also be the same God who will keep us together if He so desires.

I love you and that is the fact that i know of now...I will fully trust God's unfailing love for us to surprise me every step of the way and will continue to pray that every new day is a day spent with you...

I know now that Loving is not just a feeling...Love is action. Like any other great things in this world, nothing that is worth doing can be accomplished solely through feelings...it takes action. It won't be easy I know that for a fact...but with God blessing us...everything is achievable.

LESSON LEARNED MAY 26, 2009 2am

" Never say I LOVE YOU to someone unless you have faith and full trust in him"
-DEEPAN KUMAR

Live by the Moment

There are things in life that you need to settle on your own. In as much as you wanted people you love to be there for you...and in as much as they wanted to be there when you call the universe will not let it happen...so i'll deal with it

tonight...after a roller coaster day, i end up in a mall coffee shop alone. while i was walking inside, i realized i was walking super fast missing a lot of things along the way....then i decided to slow-down, i heard a small voice inside me saying what's the rush?...life is too short to let beautiful, interesting things to pass you by unnoticed...they won't come back again and you would be losing a big deal of life's presents.

that's what's happening to me now. i work and do things in an impossibly fast pace and i'm missing a lot of things that matters...im at the top step of my department's corporate ladder at 29 years old...that's an achievement. i am happy and really proud with what i have achieved. but i miss doing a lot of things...trekking, lying for hours in a white sand beach under a beautiful starry night, i miss slowly biting and chewing a freshly baked donut coz i need to eat really fast..i miss my best friend Babe been really awhile since we get to talk about things, about life and about each other...i miss people watching and making stories based on how they act and react from a distance...i miss living by the moment.

two days ago, my other bestfriend Sid told me i should keep the balance and encouraged me to get a yoga DVD that i could use on my trips.. but i didnt find one in the nearest record bars but i got myself a Tai-Chi dvd instead...since then i've been doing it twice a day...by doing so it allowed me to slow down yet recharging a lot of good energy inside and outside my body making me stronger inside out..

wow...i sooooooo love this moment...and i think, i should do this often..

Part 1: My 101 Dreams

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.

Louisa May Alcott (1832-1888)

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Someday...all this will be mine.. I would live with it...love it and keep it for the rest of my life.



1. Be Founder/CEO of my own Foundation for Kids. Retiring and dying working and having fun with them. It would be the happiest death the world will see.

2. Be Kahlil's ultimate idol, best friend and instrument in becoming the person he wanted to become. He is actualized because he knows he can be anyone he wanted to become because he can be and because he knows no matter what he can find strength in himself. I am just there... constant... believing... supporting... guiding... inspiring him far beyond eternity.

3. Love and be loved unconditionally by a man i can grow old with...die in his arms happy and wishing that on my next life time and the next, i will still marry him...

4. Be able to have a world camping expedition. Be able to explore the great Himalayas on my first stop..the Grand Canyon, Cape Cod and all the beautiful woods and beaches i'll get to learn about along the way.

5. Be a motivational speaker. Be a catalyst that will lead people back to themselves, loving who they are and who they will become and inspire to be a great contribution to other people by also becoming a catalyst themselves.


6. Study fine arts in Paris...have my own exhibit

7. Go to India and visit Taj Mahal. See and experience how Gandhi spent his great days...Get to experience the history, depth and wisdom of India.

8. Spa all i want in one day...pampering... relaxing..Heaven on earth

9. Performing in a big musical...dancing... singing... acting

10. Have my own library with all my favorite books. Some of which are my own best sellers.

11. Open my own coffee shop/antique shop/Internet cafe/bookstore where every single soul would feel they belong and they can connect

12. Figure skate...bungee jump...sky dive...and compete in a dance sport competition.



89 dreams more to go...

from tolstoy with love...

Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love. Everything is united by it alone.

Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

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I've been thinking how easy life would have been if everybody do everything they do out of love...

but on second thought...it is never easy when you love coz...

loving would entail us accepting flaws so we too can be purified ...
loving means we must over-come obstacles along the way so we can be in a place where another level of challenges await promising a higher sense of fulfillment...
to love is to be willing to go an extra mile to turn plain into magical and unforgettable...
it is facing our greatest fears so we can be liberated and be truly free...
it is to be broken and admitting that it is the only way to become whole again...
it is to be silent when your soul would want to scream and unleash a fury unthinkable to mankind in order to empathize and gain peace and respect...
it means making a decision and choosing what feels right and allowing our heart's mind to take control and be decisive so we can be certain for sure at the end of the road if we got a diamond or a worthless stone...only then can we be in control again as a new cycle of loving begins...

all this we can accomplish and more because we love...